~Fearfully And Wonderfully Made~

Twenty-Five.

I am Twenty-Five today.

I always wondered how I would feel on this particular birthday.

It’s that halfway to fifty mark.

That BIG Twenty-five.

They say this is when you start to wish your birthday’s wouldn’t come, that you would stop aging now.

Just stop at Twenty-Five.

However I find myself a little excited, I am leaving the term “Young Adult” behind, now it’s just adult.

I am an adult and I am excited.

I am excited that in a world as crazy as this one, I am alive.

I am a woman whom God made fearfully and wonderfully.

I feel like a child who has finally grown up and for some crazy reason, I am actually truly excited about this.

Every birthday we are one year older, I have seen many people express sadness for growing older, Twenty-five, then thirty, then forty and fifty, ect.

I ask this question, why is age something to be feared or sad about?

Look at you, you have made it.

That should be something to celebrate.

If you’re a parent, then look at the legacy you are raising.

If you aren’t look at each milestone you have hit.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made, day by day, year by year.

Constantly changing, growing and learning.

I for one want to embrace every year that comes, because it is another year that I have lived and I plan to live each day to it’s fullest.

So this year, i am happy to be Twenty-five.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.                                                                                         Psalm 139:14

~He Hear’s Us~

Do you know that moment, the one where you just feel like the weight of the world is crushing you.

Stressed, tired and feeling like giving up.

The moment when you end up on your knees praying… no, begging for an answer.

You feel like all you can hear is silence in response.

You wake up in the morning, vision blurred as you stumble through your day.

Your chest feels heavy and you feel alone and tired.

Then, somehow you end up somewhere, grudgingly, unexpectedly.

You find yourself listening to the person speaking, arms crossed, wishing you were anywhere else but that crowded room.

Until finally some of her words break through.

Suddenly your attention is completely focused.

You hear every powerful word hit home, like in that moment God used her to answer you.

You can feel it in your heart and soul.

God was speaking to you.

He was showing you the door you had been looking for and it had a giant neon glowing sign above it.

That was me.

Just a few short months ago, that was me.

A couple of months ago, my husband came home super excited about an opportunity he had learned about.

He wanted so badly for me to be excited as well, however I dug my heels into the ground and said it sounded crazy.

I told him that I would support what he wanted to do, but I would not agree with it.

I grumbled about it at every turn. (So supportive right?)

During this time, I was still struggling my way through depression and things had fallen through with my therapist.

Every little thing agitated me and made me feel crazy and angry.

I finally agreed to go to an event with Jarod and when I did it changed how I felt about it all.

I sat there listening to this lady speak about her experience and it really hit me hard.

She wasn’t afraid to speak up about her faith and she talked about how family was such an important priority and how they came first.

It was right after this that small changes started happening in myself and in my family.

I started feeling peace and being able to open up and just talk with Jarod about anything and everything.

The kids started smiling more and I even felt myself laughing and enjoying myself. I went to more and more events listening to people’s stories and I realized that God had this huge plan for me all along, I just hadn’t realized it yet.

It had been so long, but finally I am learning what peace and real happiness feels like.

I am finally understanding what it is to love unconditionally.

I am finally learning what God wants for me in this life.

I feel like I am ready to give a part of myself back to Him, to let God use me to reach other people who are struggling and hurting.

Who are suffering from depression, who feel alone, ect.

When we hurt and all we hear is silence, He still hears us.

His answer might not always be apparent, it might even be to just wait, but God is always listening and He is ALWAYS here for us.

~Time Spent~

My husband and I have started this new routine about a month and a half ago and it is amazing the changes in our attitudes towards each other and our day to day activities.

We decided to set our bed time earlier and then wake up early together, before the kids get up.

We then spend a couple of hours (sometimes a little less depending on events happening that day) just focused on each other, we play some quiet christian music in the background, we make a nice cup of tea and have a simple breakfast together, just the two of us. We set our phones to the side and just talk and spend time together, sometimes we are just quiet, but we are together.

That small amount of time gives us the energy and the patience to take on our day.

If the kids wake up before our time is up, we leave them to play in their room for a little bit (completely toddler proofed of course!) teaching them that a little time spent alone is not a bad thing.

Then we get them up and they have fully awakened by that point and are happy (most of the time) and excited for breakfast.

It the routine sets us up for such a good day, every time we miss that time together in the morning, I have noticed that the day feels a lot more stressful, that it is easier to find myself bickering and arguing over unimportant things.

I think as a couple, it is so important to connect with your spouse, I think a relationship would have a harder time surviving if there isn’t that commitment to just sit down, without electronics and communicate together. It can be over the simplest things, as soon as you have that moment of being the center of each-others world, you would be amazed at how you feel, like you can conquer armies and move mountains.

It’s the same with Christ, if we want a relationship with our Maker, we have to stop and take a minute to give Him our complete and undivided attention.

Relationships don’t work based off of just wanting something to work, they take effort, they take work.

An artist can’t make something beautiful if the artist does not take the time to focus on his art.

 

I make sure to take moments throughout my day to give my babies my complete attention, we all sit down at the table and enjoy lunch and dinner together, we take time to read books together, (this is saddly a fairly new habit for me, but my toddler loves it when I read to him.) My toddler loves to help me with my daily chores too, I will say it took me a bit to accept that he loves washing dishes with me.. I like doing things quickly and getting them done, having a toddler in tow slows it all down. However it gives him the opportunity to learn, to be responsible, to keep things clean and put things away when he is done.

 

The children love routine and structure, it helps them feel secure and know what to anticipate.  However we definitely sprinkle in the added spontaneousness as well, so long as we hold to the base routine as much as possible.

~The Invisible Illness~

I have the sad.

Sometimes there are moments where this deep sadness just makes you ache inside.

It’s unexplainable.

There is no reason for its sudden arrival, it’s just there.

I still get these days way more often than I care to admit.

These day’s are the ones where I have to talk myself through getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other as I go about my day.

These are the days I cry over every little thing and want to hide away.

The days when I need to lean on God the most.

It doesn’t mean the sadness always just disappears, however it means God gives me the strength to keep going.

Sometime’s it looks like me and the kid’s cuddling up on the couch underneath a ton of blankets and watching kid’s movies all day.

Whether you are a mother, whether you are a father,  whether you are a doctor, whether you are single, married, alone, surrounded by people, wealthy or poor, this bone deep sadness can still reach you, this type of thing is looked on with disdain, or misunderstanding, the thinking that you can just choose to make it go away with a smile or a flip of you hair. Poof it’s gone, well it does not work that way.

It makes you feel weak.

It can even make you feel helpless.

It can give you a sense of no control.

I have news for you,

Strength is looking it in the eyes and saying I will keep moving forward, strength is taking that great weight and slogging up hill anyway.

It is understanding that it doesn’t magically go away and working through it.

It is choosing to live even when you want to go to sleep and not get up at all.

So everyone who suffers from any form of depression, I just want to give a shout out:

I know it isn’t easy, I know it isn’t something you choose to have, I know many people don’t understand that this is actually a mental illness, I just wanted to say, that I understand and that every time you stand up to bat, you are a fighter, you are strong and this is nothing to feel ashamed of.

You are a warrior and sometimes you may lose a single battle, but the war isn’t over yet. You are still here and that is huge. You are still fighting and that is amazing.

Strength be with you all,

Remember, God does not let us battle alone, use his strength when you feel like you can’t make it on your own and even when you think you can, He is still there, fighting for you.

There are so many invisible illnesses out there, so many times people can’t understand what it means to have an invisible illness, that you feel like you are fighting alone every step of the way, people make snap judgment so easily without understanding what a person is going through.

It makes me sad to see how much pain someone is in, mentally or physically and how easily everyone ignores it, or how uncomfortable they become if they know about it, we are all human, why must we make others feel less human when they are probably fighting a harder battle than those without any illnesses? Why do we make people feel worthless and weak when it is them who has the most strength I have ever seen.

Let’s take the time to reach a hand out to people, to give them a smile, to be a friend. Let’s try understanding that sometimes we all struggle, every last person goes through tough times at some point, let’s try compassion and love insteading of ignoring it.

I love you all,

Keep on praying,

Keep on fighting!

~The Diary Of A 7 Month old~

The Diary Of A 7 Month old.

Morning:

I am once again awakened by these strange things that my minion has thrown into my sleep space.

Mother calls these diapers, they taste odd, but not bad, so I chew on them.

I watch my minion and his strange black fuzzy thing run around the room, wreaking havoc and destruction. I squeal happily letting my minion know he is doing well.

Eventually I tire of this diaper thing, so I yell to let my minion know he must entertain me, these strange wet things drip out of my eyes while I am trying to explain my dissatisfaction, he comes over and starts saying strange things like “Don’t cry baby” over and over again. I holler some more until he drops the little fuzzy thing into the sleep space.

I am happy now, though the little fuzzy thing stares at me apprehensively, So i chew on her ear to tell her that she has nothing to be afraid of.

My minion tries unsuccessfully to climb in as well and that is when mother came in.

Late Morning:

That minion!! He keeps trying to jump on me! He has gone mad, I have tried several times to give him commands to no avail! I think he is broken.

I yell at Mother, trying to explain that she must replace my minion, however all she does is sit him in this chair for a few minutes…

In revenge I silently poop my pants.

I then critique my mother’s vacuuming skills by finding and eating every fuzzy left on the floor.

Lunch Time:

Mother continuously tries to feed me this nasty mushy stuff she calls baby food.

I cringe and move my head, however she always manages to get it in my mouth.

After swallowing so I can protest, she then stuffs another bite in.

Will this terrible torture ever end?

So I poop my pants again in revenge.

Later Afternoon:

Why Must I be put back into this sleep space?

It is not dark outside! I do not wish to sleep.

Mother wont even put my minion in the same room as me for this sleep time, alas I must figure out how to escape on my own..

Evening:

The scratchy bearded man I call Father is back.

I shall sit here and sulk until he is holding me, I cannot believe he picked up the minion first.

However when he does pick me up and snuggle, I am happy.. So I can forgive him.. I think..

I poop in revenge, just in case.

Bedtime:

It is time for my beauty sleep, for some reason my minion is being completely disruptive and running around the room. “ I wish to sleep!” I yell at him, however he just keeps on being strange..

This is all.

Thanks for reading The Diary Of A 7 Month old!

~The Diary Of A Toddler~

The Diary Of A Toddler:

Morning:

Today is a good day, I woke up and immediately got busy.

First I had to stand in front of the bedroom door and loudly proclaim that I had awakened.

I could hear the noises from mommy and daddy’s feet walking by my door, They think they are being sneaky, but I know..

So I ignore them and begin my work on the room.

First I have to take all the (clean) diapers out of the holder and dump them on my sleeping baby sister, once she has awakened and begins to chew on the diapers and I am satisfied I did a good job, I turn to the box of carefully sorted clothes that we are no longer allowed to wear, mommy said something about them being too small, I feel like I must help her sort them again, so I spread them all carefully across the bedroom floor and let my puppy poop on them.

Then my little sister starts crying, so I feel like she must be lonely, I then proceed to pick my puppy up and drop her in the pack ‘n play with sissy, she starts giggling and eating the puppy’s ear. I then decide that I am lonely, so I try to climb in to join them. This is how Mommy finds me when she finally comes to free me.

Late Morning:

Today is a terrible day!

Mommy made me sit in time-out again!

I do not understand why I am not allowed to jump on my sister, my puppy does?!

The only difference is that she starts crying when I do it, I know it is because she wants me to jump on her again… but mommy won’t let me.

She got mad at me for helping put the dog food into the water bowl for my puppy too, I know my puppy prefers her food with water.

Lunch time:

Today is a good day!

I got to help mommy pour water all over the counter and floor, it was so fun! Mommy calls this washing dishes. After that she made me a yummy plate of food, I made sure to eat one bite out of everything on the plate, then tell her I am all done, that way she has to throw the rest into the trash can. I am such a good helper.

Then as she was quietly singing this strange song called “Shhh Kayden” While putting sissy to bed, I made sure to join in and sing at the top of my lungs. For some reason sissy didn’t like it..

Later Afternoon:

Today is a terrible day!

I am being told I have to take a nap!

I am far too old for this nap thingy..

I am now watching the cars go by out the window, while talking to myself.

Mommy keeps coming in and demanding I lay down and go to sleep though.

Evening:

Today is a good day!

Daddy is home!

I love daddy, I shall now sit on his lap for the rest of the evening, preventing him from doing absolutely anything.. Unless he wants to cook dinner, then I will watch him until he sits down and then I will once again take up residence on his lap. Daddy eventually gives up and watches cartoons with me.

Bedtime:

Today is a terrible day!

Mommy and daddy are making me go nigh night! I do not wish to go nigh night, So I am now running around my room and hiding various toys under my blankets on my bed.

That is all for today, stay tuned for The Diary of A 7 month old.

~Raising A Lady~

To me raising a daughter is different than raising a son.

Not because I think a woman is valued less, but because when I think of what I want for my daughter’s future, it looks different than what I would want for my son.

I want my little girl to grow up with the same strong faith in God, with compassion, with love ect.

However I also want to teach her to be a Lady.

I want to teach her that there is value in being a woman, that she does not need to try and become a man to succeed in life.

That she is perfect exactly as is.

I want to teach her that she is indeed different than a man, however that those differences make her unique, beautiful and perfect.

I do not want her to think that she has to march down the street with a giant vulgar hat on her head in order to have a voice.

I want her to know that she already has one and it can be powerful just by letting God speak through her, that she can speak with confidence and compassion, that it will draw people in and  they will listen if she wants to.

I want her to one day be able to find a husband who cherishes her and loves her. I want my beautiful little girl to know that she can accomplish so many things if she sets her mind to it, I want her to know she is aloud to be crazy, zany and different.

I want her to know that I am and will always be proud of her.

That I am always here for her.

 

I want her to be confident and happy with who God created her to be, that God does not make mistakes and he made her, so she is perfectly made.

 

I am so excited to see what amazing little individuals my sweet children will turn out to be, I understand that all I can do is train them up the way they can go and greatly influence them over the course of their life, my only hope is that one day they look back and say my mother influenced my life for the good and not the bad.