~Just Some Deep Thoughts~

Published January 3, 2017 by Heather (RandomReflections)

Ready. Set. Go.

2016 was the year of tragedy and chaos.

Equality, Black lives matter, LGBT rights, My body my choice, ect. Ect. ect.

The list goes on.

Somewhere along the way we have turned our own agenda into some big war over the biggest cookie.

So here is what I think about all of this.

Equality.

I feel like we have lost the understanding of what this even means.

We were all created equal in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.

No one is less or more important than the the other.

That is why I don’t understand why some of us are singing to the “Black lives Matter” Or the White lives matter too” mantra. If we are fighting to be equal, then why are we singing our own anthem?

Why are we not singing that we all matter, without condition, without “Well, except for them.”

We all matter, every last living and breathing soul in this universe matters. From the smallest of us, the unborn children to the biggest of us.

Fighting for equality should mean fighting side by side for our lives, for our freedom, because at the moment we are all being held prisoner by the angry agenda wars being waged across our country.

Now here is where it get’s tricky.

Yes, I am a Christian.

I believe in the whole bible, I believe the words of my Lord and savior.

He never said take what you want from the bible and leave the rest.

He did not say love some, but not that person over there!

In the bible it clearly states what is and what is not a sin.

Lying, cheating, stealing, murder and yes even homosexualitly.

Now here is the deal:

Just because I believe it is a sin, does not change the fact that you are a human being. It does not change my compassion, it does not change my love, it frankly does not change anything, because you know what? I am a sinner too, so why on earth would I hate someone who sins same as me?

Now for the hate:

What. on. Earth.

What is all this hate that just pours out of people lately.

Those of you who claim to be Christian and yet sit there filled with hate and loathing.

You are no different from anyone else. You are a sinner who needs to take a strong look at why there is so much hate filling your heart.

I am not just talking about hate towards homosexuality, I am speaking of all of it.

Hate towards someone because they have a different skin tone, hate because they have a different belief, hate because of anything really.

We are not called to hate, we are called to love and that means everyone.

~Struggles~

Published January 3, 2017 by Heather (RandomReflections)

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Goodbye 2016.
Wow, what a year.
Life has taken some interesting turns this last year. I have had some struggles I never thought I really would.
I waited for 8 long months to meet my precious little girl, caring for my wonderful son while trying to stay on my feet. It was a lonely the first few months where I was trapped by morning sickness at home with just a toddler for company and my darling husband whenever he was home from work. (Though I spent most of those months sleeping when he was home) Still, I new it was temporary, I new I would have a beautiful baby when it was over. So when little miss arrived I was all set to have my little happy family together.
That’s when it all started, the hardest thing I have ever had to try and struggle through.
First was wave after wave of pure sadness, I couldn’t understand why? Why was I so sad? Why did I want to cry over nothing? Then I started to withdraw, I didn’t want to be around anyone, I didn’t even want to be around my own children whom I love so much. Then came the first panic attack, like a sucker punch it just overwhelmed me, like everything in me was screaming in sudden fear. My heart was pounding like a drum in my ears, I could barely see what was in front of me, I was hyperventilating and all I wanted to do was lash out. Little did I know that would be the first of many. I couldn’t handle being touched or startled. I was constantly aggitated and angry. That’s when it all donned on me. It took my breath away just thinking about it. I never thought it would be something I would go through, never thought I would even consider it. I realized in that instance I needed help or I was going to drowned in this mess. So we called to make my first therapy appointment. I felt so ashamed at the word. When I told my family I did so mentioning it as jokingly as possible because I felt so stupid for needing it. Therapy and all its stigma, making you feel weak, like you failed. Well let me tell you something, making that appointment was the strongest thing I could do. It’s making the decision that my family is more important then my embarrassment for needing help. Needing help doesn’t make you weak, it just means sometimes you need someone else to step in and help shoulder the burden with you, and sometimes to remind you that you still have things that are worth living and fighting for. To know that your not the only one, many people go through this one should not be afraid to say your struggling.

~To My Children~

Published October 7, 2016 by Heather (RandomReflections)

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~To My Children~ 

I get up with the morning light

Just to see those beautiful smiles

It is the most precious sight

And makes everyday worthwhile

~

I will be there each and everyday

Just to show you how much I care

I will hold the fierce monsters at bay

And anything else that might give you a scare

~

There is nothing I could possibly say

To show how much I love you

So I will just guide and show you the way

And teach you both to love too

~H.J.S~

Random thoughts for the day..

Published October 5, 2016 by Heather (RandomReflections)

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Beauty.

Love.

Joy.

Family.

I am truly thankful for the life I have been given.

There have been struggles and there have been times it didn’t look like we could make ends meet.

However I would not change the crazy path my life has been, because it has also shown me how much I have gained.

I married a man that makes me so happy, he is my soulmate and best friend and I could not imagine life without him.

I have two sweet children that make my heart feel like it is going to burst whenever I look at them.

I have a roof over my head and I have food on the table.

I have my Lord and savior who has given all this to me, despite the fact that again and again I let doubts and fears creep in and distract me from the truth. My savior loves me unconditionally.

It is a hard concept for me to wrap my head around, however how could I even begin to deny it when I see his hand throughout my life, especially through the hard times. Every time I think, “Oh no, we aren’t going to get out of this one.” He’s shown me that he is still in control and still watching over us. He is amazing and He loves me.

~Mother Please~

Published October 3, 2016 by Heather (RandomReflections)

It is pretty rough and could probably use a bit of smoothing out, but here is a poem I wrote the other day:

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-Mother Please- 09/30/16

I have so much to do today

So very many things you see

Why don’t you run and play

While i make some morning tea

~

But mother please look at me

Don’t you see these sleepy eyes

Pull me up on your lap

And let’s just watch the sunrise

~

Darling dearest maybe tomorrow

These dishes need to be washed

Oh and look at this mess

I have to much to get done

~

But mommy please come play with me

Do you see the giggle upon my face

I can make up a world all my own

And show us a magical place

~

Oh my child do you see this laundry

I don’t think I have time to play

I must fold it all  and put it away

Before I run out of time today

~

Mother, mother look at this

I have drawn a picture just for you

Come color it with me

I want to spend my time with you

~

I cannot just yet my sweetheart

Still so much left

I have to get it all done

Or I won’t be a very good mom

~

Look at me dance mother

Look at me spin

Come take my hand please

And listen to the music play

~

I’m just so busy my dear

I really really can’t

I am doing this for you

Trying to make everything perfect

~

But mother don’t you see?

I’m all grown up now

You missed all those smiles

And the time we could of had

~

Later is much too late

I’m not a baby anymore

I’m leaving tomorrow

Please don’t cry mother

~

God gave me to you

To love, cherish and hold

But now you must let go

For I am far to old.

~

But darling child what happened

You were tiny just a moment ago

Oh where did my time go

I meant to stop you know

~

I really didn’t mean to miss

All those precious memories

I did not intend to ignore

Those hands that reached for me

~

I’m sorry my baby

That I did not stop and look

I wish I had danced with you

And held you tight in my arms.

~H.J.S~

~Welcome to the World~

Published October 1, 2016 by Heather (RandomReflections)

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September 13th 2016 at about 11:00 p.m, I had just crawled in bed for a restful night sleep, but alas that was not to be the case. No sooner had I gotten comfortable when my water broke at 36 weeks. (Thankfully I understood what was happening because it gave me enough time jump out of bed and make it to the bathroom before it made a mess) Jarod, not having seen me move that fast the entire pregnancy, had a pretty good guess as to what had happened.

Realizing we had nothing prepared for this, Jarod quickly ran around packing supplies and getting our toddler out of bed and tucked into the car while I called my mom and sister to let them know little Violet Joy had decided to make her début early. I knew this meant I would be having a C-section due to her being in the breech position. This was a source of great fear for me, I am terrified of surgeries and it scared me pretty bad. So we went to the hospital and checked in, as soon as the confirmed that she was indeed breech, they made plans for the c-section to be around 7:00 a.m.

My parents took the little Mr. back to their place to get some sleep before his sister made her appearance. While the rest of us attempted to get some sleep before it was time. I will say, trying to sleep while knowing you are getting close to something that you truly fear is not easy. In the moment it was so hard to be excited for the ending when I got to hold her, in the moment I couldn’t even see that far ahead yet. They came in just before it was time to explain (in way to much detail in my opinion lol) exactly how the operation would go. I was shaking before I ever got to the room. I realize that it’s been done hundreds of times before and even that mine went really smoothly, however I was fighting the biggest panic attack of my life, the moment the epidural kicked in and I couldn’t move my body I thought I was going to lose it, thankfully that was about the time they let my husband in the room and he could see the panic right away. I am so thankful to him for being there, I am so thankful that he knows me well enough to know when I seriously need him. He worked hard to keep me distracted and sane. I know it wasn’t very long at all, but after what felt like forever my little girl was born. They brought her around where I could see her beautiful face. I realized right then, even through all the panic and terror, for her I would do it all over again.

Recovery has been an up and down thing, but mostly up I think. My little Kayden adores his sister so much. He is adjusting to having mommies attention divided, some days better than others. I wish there was an easier way to explain to him that I still love him more than I could ever say and that Violet is not a replacement but an addition. 😦

Though in the end, I am still terrified of the whole surgery thing and can’t look at my incision without cringing, so sadly that did not help with that phobia..

But now I have two beautiful children whom I love more than life itself. ^_^

You didn’t really need that nap right?

Published August 19, 2016 by Heather (RandomReflections)

There are days where you have energy, Where your house gets cleaned, where your laundry is folded, where you may even venture out to socialize with your fellow peeps and where you are ready to tackle the craziness of putting a toddler down for a nap. Those are the days you will march upstairs with your two year old, go through his bed time routine and tuck him in. After this you will march back out and wait for war to begin, those are also the days he falls asleep within like five seconds and your like wow, that was easy, I can do this whole bed time thing no prob.

 

Then there are the days (Which tend to unfortunately happen more often then the energetic ones) where you are exhausted, your only goal for the day is to take a nap when your toddler does.

These are the days where you drag yourself up the stairs, go through the whole bed time routine, tuck your lovable monster in bed and practically melt back down the stairs where you wait for him to fall asleep. This is where it gets interesting, you see unlike the other days, your toddler will not fall asleep right away.

He will start by singing at the top of his lungs and then when that fails to keep him amused, he will launch himself out of bed to snag some toys from across the room and before you can make it back up the stairs to catch him, he will be back in bed, the most innocent of looks on his angel like face and a pile of cars on his pillow…. This routine will ultimately take about 2-3 hours. Finally you will hear silence fall on his room and if your lucky you will sneak up there and find him asleep.

You will think “I get to finally take a nap!” and giddy with happiness you will go to turn down your blankets, turn on your fan and maybe even crawl into bed before realizing you really need to pee.

If you have already crawled in bed you may even debate with yourself if maybe you ignore it, it will go away, but it wont so eventually you will climb back out of bed, sneak up the stairs and past the toddlers open door to use the bathroom. (This takes serious ninja skills as your toddler has a way of waking up to any little sound and refuses to have his door closed.) Back downstairs you will finally crawl under the covers and lay your very weary head on the pillow. About 15 minutes after you have dozed off to sleep, you will of course hear a loud thud that jolts you back to full consciousness. Thinking your toddler must have fallen out of bed you will rush up the stairs, only to find him sleeping peacefully, you will come to the realization that it was your neighbors front door again. Then you will sneak back downstairs, crawl back into bed and close your eyes. Of course you will feel the need to pee again and again you will want to ignore it, you will give up and sneak upstairs again and back down to bed. If you haven’t given up at this point, you will crawl in bed again close your eyes and hear the sweet sound of your precious little toddler calling your name.

The rest of your day will be spent looking like a zombie with dark circles under your eyes, drool hanging out the corner of your mouth and your hair standing up like a scarecrow. Your toddler will somehow be well rested and in full energy mode, ready to get into everything.

You didn’t really need that nap right???